More Necklaces

The bottom line is that if you have a short neck, squat face or big tits, or if you in any way are unfortunate enough to resemble Susannah, then necklaces should be one of the lesser items in your accessory collection. Unhappily short necks, especially necks with a suggestion of a double or triple chin, look terrible in necklaces.

• Long necks are easy to strangle because they look fab in chokers, chunky pieces and long, dangly jewelled wreaths. They are genetically bred to wear necklaces, although even they have their limitations.

• Look at the neckline of your top as well as the tone of your outfit before deciding which beaded collar to wear. Slash neck styles are barred from necklaces... do earrings instead.
• Big tits cannot do long and dangly because the line of the necklace becomes distorted once it hits the chest.
• Short necks are best entwined by delicate pieces that don't take up too much space between the chin and the breasts.
• Never wear lots of gold chains together unless you are a rap star.

• Sloping, padded-with-fat shoulders are best suited to necklaces that are fine and filamented with small beads; angular, architectural necklaces need a good pair of coat-hanger shoulders to carry them off.
• Flat chests are wonderful boards on which to rest a huge show-stopping piece that can reach as low as your tummy button.
• As you will only be wearing a polo neck with flat boobs, a long necklace that is bold and flamboyant is the S & T approved option. Chains and pendants over polo necks look cheap.

• Long necks look weak and giraffe-like when circled by a thin choker. They can carry something much wider and look amazing in it.
• A long neck coming out of a round neck top looks fabulous with a big chunky necklace at collarbone level.
• Don't wear an over-the-top-necklace and wild earrings together unless they are part of a set.
• Big boobs can carry off a delicate droplet necklace that ends just at the top of the cleavage. Never allow a pendant to disappear into a cleavage ravine.