Are you a beauty believer or not? Do you have faith that those giant cosmetic conglomerates have your black-heads, cellulite and flaky elbows in mind each time they launch a new product with a multi-million dollar marketing spend? Do they want nothing more than to see you with a clear complexion or the softest skin? Do Uma Thurman and Elizabeth Hurley really care about your beauty issues? And do they, as beauty figureheads, actually use the products they endorse?
Are you in need of a change in your beauty routine? If you are a woman in a midlife crisis, a good way to start this new phase of your life is to chuck out all the old creams and potions you have used since you were 16 and begin again. What suited your flawless teenage face will not work against the onslaught of wrinkles and weather-worn blemishes.
It's very easy to be cynical about the wonders of face creams enriched with baby lamb embryos or a series of alphabetical and numerical formulas that are designed to make you think a science of some sort has been involved in making this or that product unique. Heavily touched-up photography in the pages of all the glossy magazines and the billions of predominantly US dollars made by these businesses only add to our scepticism about the beauty industry and what it claims it can do.
Anything promising you a miracle cure or an instant transformation is seriously pulling the surgical gauze over your eyes. Those purporting to give a face-lift in a pot know full well that the only thing able to iron out wrinkles is a scalpel, hard tugs and stitches. Anything that has the word 'firming' in its sales pitch needs to be used with a pinch of salt. That said, there are many products that do what they say, and yes, we know for a fact that Elizabeth Hurley has no desire to use anything other than Estée Lauder.
The key to beauty buying, aside from heading a campaign or having a PhD in chemistry, is to keep your expectations low and allow time for the magic formulas to work.
Now when it comes to shelling out on beauty products there is no limit to what's out there. You can spend hundreds of pounds on a single cream only to find the same results in something much cheaper. It's easy to make costly mistakes, like buying creams that are too rich for your age or too oily for the ever-lurking spots.
So in this article we have highlighted certain products and also divided most of them into three categories. One for those who are prepared for the long-term view - and are filthy rich or vain beyond belief. One for those who want to help their looks along without spending huge amounts of time and having to forfeit the kitchen extension this year. And one for those who want a short-term fix that's cheap, or better still, absolutely free.
There is nothing like a good scrubbing with domestic salt (beware the open wounds) to make you feel fantastic. The home remedies that we have devised over the years have spawned from desperation when we've been bereft of any beauty help. A toothbrush to plump up lips, toothpaste (or vodka) for spots and haemorrhoid cream for under-eye bags may seem totally mad to you, but believe us... they work.
Some of you may remain sceptical even after reading this practical and realistic take on beauty. Susannah was the same. A hardcore non-believer. But as she has got older, the importance of body maintenance - as with a tired old van - has never been more evident.
There won't be any overnight transformations, but a little help from selected friends in a bottle will make you feel that you are more in control of the ageing process.
