Saggy tits

We find it amazing that so many women's tits hang down to the top of their knicker elastic... and that's with a bra. What's the point? Why bother wearing a bra at all if it can't combat the force of gravity. Sagging udders should be left to porky mammals slurping swill with 16 piglets attached her teats. They don't do good bras for pigs but they do for us women.

A decent shape can do the same job as a cosmetic lift allowing you to wear and look great in clothes you haven't worn since the teen years.

The ultimate bra to hoist flagging breasts is the balcony. This design lovingly cups, ups and separates your breasts to provide perfect-shaped orbs.

Susannah swears by it and won't even consider other varieties except when exercising or wearing a very flimsy T-shirt.

The beauty of having one's tits elevated is the sudden appearance of a waist. Suddenly your boobs become boobs and not the extra tyre around your middle. You look thinner, more shapely, utterly wonderful.