Shopping and golden rules
| No guilt | Slight guilt | Guilt for days | |
|---|---|---|---|
| T-shirt |
Knickerbox Top Shop M&S |
Michael Stone (from Whistles) Juicy Couture French Connection |
Chloe Marni Gucci |
| Top |
Top Shop Petit Bateau M&S Tesco |
Jigsaw Mint Vanessa Bruno DKNY |
Alice Temperley Chloe Dries Van Noten Prada Marni Pucci |
| Dress |
Zara Top Shop |
Joseph Ronit Zilkha Nicole Farhi Giant |
Chloe Marni Alice Temperley |
| Sweater |
Top Shop Oasis Zara |
Brora Joseph Ann-Louise Roswald John Smedley |
Marni Prada Gucci Etro |
Golden rules for for no tits
- Plunging necklines are only for perfect décolleté undamaged by the sun or age.
- Corsets are for those with tits.
- Flat chests need high necklines.
- Chicken fillets for breast enhancement must always be secured with a bra or they will fall in the soup at dinner.
- Backs are sexy alternatives, so keep them shiny and exfoliated.
- Chuck out the clothes that don't suit you - even if you think of them as old friends.
- If you're wearing a V-neck jumper, always wear a round-necked t-shirt underneath.
- You might think a scoop neckline gives the appearance of tits - but all it does is show off an empty space.
Remember, you may not have been born with style but you can create it
