Skirts
Bias cut
Why: the cross cut of the material makes it cling like a newborn on the breast to your hips. This is great for the hourglass, but style suicide for the pear-shape because it makes thunderous thighs positively torpedo-like.
or
Pencil shape
Why: too tight for pear-shapes. Your saddlebags might as well be enlarged by the Hubble telescope and put on show at the Tate Modern so gross-making are these skirts for you.
A-line in any length
Why: the material glides over and continues past the physical catastrophe, making it impossible for onlookers to become aware of your dark secret.
