Trousers
Tapered
Why: we despise tapered trousers beyond all other garments. They should be outlawed from all corners of the globe and a maximum penalty should be given to those who wear them with saddlebags. If you have a pair, burn them, for the narrowness of the ankle only magnifies your hips by earth-shattering proportions.
or
Straight leg
Why: even these aren't wide enough at the hem to balance out your hips.
and
Drainpipe jeans
Why: these are the kiss of death for pear-shapes. All those rivets, pockets, belt loops and zips are too much for what's big and broad. This, coupled with skinny ankles, makes getting through the door become a daily hazard.
Flares
Why: bring back the Seventies and keep them there. Even if flares become unfashionable, saddlebag holders should hang on to them for dear life, for they are the only trousers that can reduce your bags to relative insignificance.
alternative
Palazzo pants
Why: the loose-fit fabric hangs from the bags erasing all knowledge of anything untoward going on underneath them.
